I'm sure there are many others like me, who haven't paid attention, deny, or do not understand how we got to this place. So, what got me here anyway? The old adage "hindsight is always 20/20" is applicable, so here's my 20/20, "journal" version:
• Twenty years of increasing weight gain leading to diabetes, severe arterial sclerosis, high blood pressure, angina and finally heart attack. (I have a familial/genetic predisposition to arterial sclerosis.)
• Twenty years of different medicines, eventually leading to oral medicines to control blood sugar, high blood pressure and cholesterol, more recently with unacceptable blood sugar and cholesterol levels.
• Failed attempts - a lack of commitment - to loose weight. I understood and wanted to loose weight but it never became a priority. (I tried them all - weight watchers, nutrisystem, etc. I tried them with my husband...we both failed.)
• Lack of consideration for or focus on my own health needs. Something else and somebody else (family, friends, students) was always more important.
• Increasing focus on personal work goals, and making a difference in the world; and less focus on my own health needs. As an educator I give full attention to the students with whom I work, and these same adult students have always scolded, telling me to take better care of myself.
• Most of my immediate family members work as health care professionals. For years they have lavished me with new research on diabetes, ideas for preparing quality foods, conversations about portion control, and more. Obviously others were paying attention to my health needs! I seemed to be letting it go into one ear and out the other? (My brother is one of the most prominent Pain Docs in Denver! If I listen to anyone, it should be him?)
• Difficulty balancing all the demands of work with my family life, which is critically important.
• Years of hiding emotionally behind BIGNESS....finding comfort in eating, loving great food, and having a family who loves great wonderful-tasting food. (A story to be told in another post.)
• A huge scare - an extremely stressful work year (2009) leading to a heart attack, cardiac catheterization, and two new stents in my artery. ("Too young for a heart attack," the doctors said.)
• Cardiac Rehabilitation at a local personal health and fitness center introducing me to regular exercise, good nutrition, people who were interested in my health and fitness, and a focus on permanent life changes.
• It helped that my colleague and friend Deb was there to commiserate with, and to learn alongside. Indeed, she was experiencing similar health concerns, and contemplating similar life changes, and there's nothing quite like this kind of sharing.
• It took seven months, from the end of Cardiac Rehab, to return to the health center and sign up for an exercise class called Trim and Fit. (Signing up for an "exercise class" is a huge hurdle for someone who is morbidly obese - another future post.) But signing up for this class begins "the rest of the story" about my new challenge and commitment to exercise.
• Most importantly, I disregarded how physical health impacted my mental health, ignored medical research showing these diseases to be killers, and finally, must not have felt myself worthy of being healthy? It is my goal, with this blog, to reiterate, reinforce, and rally around this lifelong commitment to exercise. Indeed, it appears to be the only thing that will save my life.
Submitted on Sunday, August 8, 2010
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